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My Ectopic PRegnancy Story

11/30/2020

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​A year of loss…

Three years ago I was pregnant for the fourth time in six months.   Those six months of losses followed nearly a year of trying to conceive.   However, I was there. I was chugging along and made it past five weeks (before you ask, I always got positives a week before my missed period and I was notorious for low progesterone.  This cycle caused me to be a crazy test-driven person).  So here I was claiming to avoid wine because I was driving for my husband, keeping my secret, and in pain.  Pain I didn’t allow myself to believe. Pain that caused me to hide on a bench at the front of the store while my cousins finished Black Friday Shopping.  Pain that kept telling myself was just discomfort.  Pain that made me afraid to tell anyone I was pregnant.  

But, despite no bleeding, my HCG levels stopped growing appropriately.  I started a routine of 1-hour blood tests every other day.  And every other day my HCG Levels were growing, but nowhere near doubling.  I became obsessed with searching the internet for a success story.  Just one woman's baby story I could find to give myself hope.  What was worse is that I knew it wasn't good and kept telling myself to be prepared for a bad outcome, but somewhere deep inside me I couldn't let go. I couldn't stop hoping there was some tiny miracle inside of me. 

Blood test after blood test I was going up a bit. Enough to toy with my emotions. 



HCG Levels

11/21    10
11/22    23
11/25    75
11/28    92
11/30    105
12/4       368
12/6       529


Throughout this were empty ultrasounds--they kept telling me it was probably too early to see the baby, but I've seen babies and sacks at least this early on before.  The process was excruciating.  Maybe it was just gas? The poor tech kept asking me if it hurt and I swore it was just a little discomfort.  I was in complete denial. 

12/11     169
  Down.  Finally a reason to let go of hope.


After weeks of this pattern my HCG level dropped and it was time to make the call...my pregnancy was ectopic.  I would go for an appointment and I was to contact on-call if I had severe pain.  The thing is, I finally acknowledged the pain--physical and mental. It was all excruciating.  I was feeling freely for the first time in weeks.  I didn’t know how to deal. I stayed up all night afraid I should call to go in.  

I made it through the night and to my OBGYN appointment.  The nurse gave me a long speech and I remember none of it except that she kept repeating “this can’t be happening after all your other losses.  Now we know how to keep you pregnant.”  I remember forcing a smile and trying to reassure her that I was okay.  Why?

So now it was time for the next steps.  I was sent to the fifth floor and given two simultaneous shots of methotrexate.  I was told it would basically dissolve the pregnancy by stopping the cell growth. It was an incredibly long needle, but the nurses reassured me it oddly didn’t hurt much.  It didn’t.  Oddly that was frustrating. I needed it to hurt. I needed it to be an event. I needed to know it happened.  After I had to stay in bed for 45 minutes to make sure I didn’t have an adverse reaction and then it was life as normal...with the exception of no drinking for two weeks to give my liver a break from the process...



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It was as if nothing happened.  I could have gone to work the next day.  Nothing.  I couldn’t celebrate Christmas that year.  I didn’t want to be around friends or volunteer.  Just like that my baby dissolved into nothing.  I had been there before.  I had two miscarriages before my oldest and three that summer.  This felt like more nothing than ever before.  I’ve learned with time that each loss is so different...I’ve had some that shook me to my core, some that I felt guilt for feeling too numb to face, and others that I just kept pushing through.   The one thing I would tell anyone facing loses and just let yourself be.  If you want to wallow and be grumpy--do it.  If you want to make a to do list of how to try again--you go girl.  Don’t worry about how you should feel...just face how you do feel the best you can so maybe someday you can learn how to live with it.  There is no right way to grieve. 

With time we decided three months later to try one more time. That was it. That was more than we had in us and it stuck.  It’s bittersweet knowing that if that pregnancy worked out I wouldn’t have my sweet baby D.  I can’t imagine a world without his feral smiles.   I’m thankful that our journey ended in two beautiful boys.  I know that is a privilege that not all get. I do my best to cherish even the hard days because we worked so hard to get here.  This is our parenthood journey. ​

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17 tips for Helping Your Child with eLearning

11/19/2020

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 eLearning is back or here to stay for so many families.  It is hard, it can be frustrating, and sometimes it can be the least of your worries.  Teachers and parents are all asking one thing: how do we make this work?   Sadly I do not have a magic wand, but I do have 12 years experience in virtual education and I am now at school where we are in the heart of eLearning. 

​Virtual education is very different than eLearning in many ways (online school programs, resources sent to homes for families, everyone has the tools they need, platforms designed for parents to the teacher, and so much more), but the tips for success cross over between both.  



Here is my list of tips for helping your child navigate eLearning.
  1. Find a schedule.  Routines are just as important with eLearning as they are at school.   You don't need to be rigid about following your schedule, but more you can stick to one the smoother your days will flow.
  2. Create a learning space.  Find a designated routine for getting started with learning at home.  It can be hard for students (especially younger students) to understand that they have to behave differently at home during school time.
  3. Get dressed.  Your students do not have to be fancy and this might be an unpopular opinion, but I don't care if they're rocking their jammies or the same outfit as yesterday, but make sure they're covered.  Boy moms, I'm looking at you.  Shirts required.
  4. Don't transform your home.  You don't have to turn your home into a classroom for your student to learn.  Work with what you've got.  I personally bought a science fair board to put out for my son.  I printed some posters, printed his logins for dad, and that's how we turned on school time at home.  Once it was up the rules changed!
  5. Talk about it.  You know your kid best, if he or she needs clear rules for learning time, make some together. If you just need to have a quick talk about expectations, do that!
  6. Communicate with your teacher. We are here and we want to help.  I always tell my families to contact me before they reach their frustration point--I might have the answer at my finger tips or know just who to contact. I would rather families contact me often than wait until everyone is upset.  
  7. Communicate with your teacher more.  Missing a class? Send a quick message. It doesn't have to be miles of excuses, just something simple: We can't make it. How can we make it up?
  8. Ask for help. Are you seeing a trend? If you need help teaching a topic let us know! We have piles of curriculum and a tool box full of activities for teaching various topics.  This is our area of expertise.  
  9. Make your child write.  One thing that I have noticed teaching online is that many students tell their grown ups the answers to everything (it is so much easier and quicker) but they get out of the habit of writing.  Encourage your student of all ages to journal daily with pictures, letters, and words.
  10. We can hear you tell the answers.  We can.  It's awkward.  We want you to stop but we don't want to tell an adult what to do.  
  11. Live classes are not a quiz. This piggybacks off of 10.  It is not an issue if your child doesn't know the answer--this happens all the time face-to-face.  What is an issue is if we think the students know something because they're getting help with answers and then we move forward! If the students knew everything we covered they wouldn't need our class! If students look like they know something very well we might not offer much needed help and that would be a disservice to everyone.
  12. Speaking of quizzes...let them show what they know.  It's hard to watch your child struggle, I get it. Practice saying "take a deep breath, make your best guess and keep going."
  13. Testing stinks. We agree, but sometimes its just required.   That's really it here.  We know it feels like a lot, but this is mandated above our heads. 
  14. Your attitude = your child's attitude.  This is hard. This is not what you choose.  Sometimes it is not ideal.  Deal with your adult stuff as much as you can without projecting it on your kiddo--the little sponges pick up on so much.
  15. Tiny humans have tiny attention spans.  Many schools are requiring them to sit at their devices way longer than they can.   As a teacher sometimes I start a new activity just by moving to the rug, to a special corner for calendar, or even under our desks.  These little transitions reset their attention span.  Try these at home. During reading you sit at the table, during math you lay on the floor, then we have a dance party...you get the idea.  Also, if the teacher shares brain break dances or activities encourage your little to get up and do it!
  16. Read for fun daily.  Just read.  If you can only do one thing please do this.
  17. Give yourself grace.   Maya Angelou says this better than I ever could, "Do the best you can until you know better, then do better."  We've got this!
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Making Bath Bombs with Kids

12/17/2019

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 This year I wanted to make something with my toddler to gift everyone for Christmas.   I didn't want to make cookies or bake, so somehow I landed on making homemade bath bombs.  When I was pregnant my aunt sent me some with a quilt for my son.  It was such a treat.   Thus started my mission.  I did a lot of research and this is what I landed on.
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Make your Own

Here are the ingredients that I used.  I linked what I could on Amazon (as an Amazon associate I get a small amount for qualifying purchases, but it costs you the same! ! Win-win!) I doubled this recipe and got about 30 bath bombs! 

Ingredients
  • 2 Cups Baking Soda
    • I wish I would have found this colored baking soda and saved a step!
  • 1 Cup Citric Acid (this makes it fizz!)
  • 1 Cup Cornstarch
  • 1 Cup Epsom Salt
  • 3 Teaspoons Coconut Oil (melted)
  • 3-6 Drops Essential Oil (I used lemon and lavender)
  • Silicone Molds or Tissue Paper and a Cupcake Pan
  • Food coloring (gel preferred-liquid causes the citrus acid to react)
  • Baby Oil
  • Optional: Sprinkles, dried flowers, or some other type of embellishment.
Directions
  1. Pour all of the dry ingredients into a large bowl.  I did not have an issues with this staining my regular mixing bowls. Then stir in the coconut oil.  
  2. Split the mixture into two bowls if you want to make my bath bombs two-toned.  This is optional.  One bowl got one color stirred in, the other bowl got a different color.  You also have the option of using more color in one bowl than the other. My colors wound up painfully close so this step didn't turn out for me.
  3. Once you have the desired color check your consistency.  The mixture should feel like kinetic sand.  Some recipes I found called for water or even Witch Hazel, but I found that they both cause my mixture to fizz! I found that Baby Oil (that I had in my bathroom) worked best! I added just a little bit at a time until it seemed ready to pack.
  4. Put the sprinkles or embellishments at the bottom. If you're using a silicone mold put them right there in a thin layer on the bottom! If you're using a cupcake pan then first put squares of tissue paper in the mold (like you would cupcake lines (which would also work, but I was being frugal!). I put sprinkles on the top of these and it turned out okay...not great.
  5. Start adding the mixture to the molds.  If you're doing two-tones fill up your mold half way then switch colors. Pat the mixture as you go. At the end I really pushed down with bottom of a spice jar.
  6. ​After that let your bath bombs air dry for 1-2 days. Bag the up and hand them out!

Voila! My son loved this and can't wait to hand them out at Christmas.  We even tried one out...just to be safe! ;)
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Hello Bello Review

11/5/2019

3 Comments

 
With my first I was team Honest.  He had sensitive skin that resulted in frequent diaper rash with other brands and I found that other brands didn't fit him well so we had a LOT of leaks.

Their ADORABLE prints and impact on the environment was a huge bonus. 

​Then came Hello Bello
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My second little man was prone to diaper rash and Honest diapers just weren't in the budget.   I saw these while shopping and tried a pack.  I fell in love!   

Here is my Honest comparison (see what I did there?)

Similar to Honest
  • Their diapers stay dry longer and don't get squishy
  • They fit my slim/skinny little man better than other brands
  • Less money spent on diaper rash cream
  • Comes in bundle mailed to my house ever other month
  • You can adjust and move shipment dates as needed
  • If you order a bundle they offer a discount on other projects such as bug spray, sunscreen, vitamins, and other diapering needs
  • Fun prints
​
Pros:
  • Hello Bello wipes are much better than Honest (and my little man loves to play with the crinkly packaging)
  • The price point is much more friendly on a teacher budget

Cons
  • Hello Bello is a newer company so their variety of prints and additional products is still growing

If you're interested in trying out Hello Bello, use this link for $15 off!
$15 Off Diaper Bundle
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Teacher MoM Must Reads

8/26/2019

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I am a huge reader.  So I figured I would be doing the world a disservice if I didn't share my favorites for the time being.  What are you reading?

PS. As an Amazon Associate I get a tiny amount if you purchase through my page and it cost you the same! Boom!

I've been waiting to this book ​from the library for 3 months!  Finally got it and it is AH-Mazing!
I know, I know. I feel so basic that a PSL just appeared in my hand and I don't even drink coffee. But friends, it is a good read!

A pep talk you can read! 
I cannot recommend this enough! I am almost done with  year 4 and I love looking back on where my family was on this same day year after year!
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Teacher Moms Book of the Month

6/30/2019

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I just happened to come across this book at my local library (or love-berry as my oldest calls it) and it seemed like kismet.  Okay, that might be a touch dramatic, but it seemed to fit perfectly with my new them of finding balance. 

I'll admit I haven't even finished it yet, but it is an easy read with practical ideas that real life people can follow.  Definitely check it out if balance is your mission!
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
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    What you're in for...

    Here you will find my ramblings of motherhood, teaching, & life while like many I try to balance it all.

    As an Amazon Associate I earn a small amount from qualifying purchases, but it does not cost you any more! :) 

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